Finding confidence by abandoning perfectionism

When does a person cross over from being someone who does X to being an X-er? Like, when does someone who likes to ski become a skier? When does someone who likes to regularly whip up a batch of cookies become a baker?

I’ve been asking myself this as I train for a big race and never shut the heck up about running to anyone who will listen. However, I still don’t consider myself a runner. I downplay the miles I log or utter “I’m the slowest runner ever” multiple times a day. I recently started going to a running group and felt so intimidated before the first run even though it’s such a diverse crowd of paces and ages. (It was honestly great.)

To investigate what makes a person an X-er, I turned to the biggest research expert I could access … ChatGPT lol. While there is obviously no one-size-fits-all definition, I did find a few points that helped change my mindset and could help you develop more confidence in your work, hobbies or passions.

1. Expertise or Proficiency

2. Identification and Lifestyle

3. Commitment and Dedication

4. Community Recognition

5. Significant Contribution or Achievement

Notice how none of the bullet points above say superiority or perfection. I have struggled with perfectionism my whole life to the point where it’s led me to not try something new because I know I’ll suck at it. That’s a horrible mentality. Part of being a lifelong learner is having the capability to fail forward.

That said, based on the definition above, I am a runner. I am not a perfect one. My times show that I’m far from the best one. However, I’m still getting out there. I take the time to research my training plans. I have identified with other runners by joining group runs and virtual forums. I am working toward a big race goal. I have felt my mental health improve due to running.

Maybe running’s not your thing, and that’s totally fine. However, I want to encourage you to not diminish your own accomplishments or hard work simply because you’re not “the best” at it.

Have you used your precious time to learn about different soil types for your plants? You’re a gardener. Do you give back regularly to your community? You’re a volunteer. Are you putting out longform content on a regular basis? You don’t need to be Mr. Beast. You’re still a YouTuber.

There is always room for improvement and, more importantly, for curiosity. However, if you’re quick to say that you’re not an X-er, I’d encourage you to — like I did — ask why. Why are you so quick to downplay your accomplishments and personal growth?

Do not diminish your passions, education, work or hobbies because you’re not the foremost expert. Let’s move forward with confidence together.

I’m opening up my calendar and looking for freelance work. Want to work together? Let’s have a brief conversation.