I've never been more grateful for habits

I can’t lie. July 2023 was the worst month of my entire life.

On the first day of the month, my dad, uncle and dog passed away unexpectedly in the worst way. (You can read my eulogy for my father here. tw: murder)

There have not been many good times in the last few weeks. Beyond the immense grief and sadness, I have also been dealing with a total disruption in my schedule. My eating habits have been bad and inconsistent. I can’t sleep. I have been traveling back and forth from Brooklyn to rural Maryland — a subway, a transfer, an Amtrak and an hour-long car ride — every few days. I’ve taken work meetings from the car and calls about finances from the train.

My world has been totally disrupted by tragedy. However, there have been a few things that have remained steady for me, habits that I have worked hard to establish over time. For me, those habits look like reading and running. While I have generally found enjoyment in these things, there have been times when I had to force myself to do them. Often, I wanted to mindlessly scroll on my phone vs. pick up a book. I’ve fought the urge to quit my jog after two miles when I had scheduled a six-mile day.

I’m not perfect, and there are days when the temptations win out, but during this tragic time, I am so incredibly grateful for the times I did push through and work on strengthening my habits. This pushing through looked like leaving my phone at home and taking a book to my local bar or a park bench. It looked like committing to time-intensive physical therapy to be able to run (mostly) without pain. It looked like intentional choices to build reps and turn my choices into healthy habits.

And, right now, I’m SO glad for these bits of steadiness.

During a time of chaos, I’ve been able to find solace in my pockets of routine. I’ve calmed my nerves with a fun book and dealt with sadness by sweatily running around the streets of Brooklyn.

For better or worse, I like a good self-help book and have found both “The Power of Habit” by Charles Duhigg and “Atomic Habits” by James Clear very helpful in the past. (I know these books can garner eye-rolls, but I have gleaned valuable information from them.)

In the latter book, Clear mentions that habits can be broken down into a feedback loop that includes cue, craving, response and reward.

For my reading habit, this looks like: I feel fatigued from what I’m currently doing (cue), I want a break from what’s in front of me (craving), I pick up a book (response), and I feel satisfied by the escape and from the words I’ve read (reward).

Regardless of what habits you’d like to establish or strengthen, I’d wholeheartedly encourage you to start now. THIS IS YOUR SIGN! 🙂 

I truly pray that no one ever goes through the trauma and tragedy that I have in the last month. But, regardless, it’s vital and so helpful to have these pillars to lean on in your everyday life. You never know how much you’ll need them during the good, bad and the ugly.

oliviawitherite

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